Mega Man X4 In a Nutshell:
X's Story.
===========================

(REPLIFORCE H.Q.)

[It was a dark and stormy night and BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH! The General is talking to some random dude who is dressed as the grim reaper.]

Dude: Those hunters will obey what those damn humans tell them! If you don’t get rid of them, they'll (bleep) you up and ruin your chances of gaining independence!

General: How dare you! (Stands up, but he hits his head on the ceiling because he's so damn tall, so he crouches abit.) I will not betray the humans in my quest for freedom! All you whippersnappers every think about is beating eachother in the pavement just to get what you want! (Points to the door) NOW GET THE (BLEEP) OUTTA HERE!

Dude: Whatever. I'm tellin' you, though, you'll have no choice but to reconsider my suggestion soon... BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! (A puff of smoke appears... and coughing is heard.)

General: o_O??

[The Smoke clears, showing that the annoying bastard is still there.]

Dude: (Looks up) Aww crap... well... I'm leaving now. (Slowly walks out.)

---
(MAVERICK HUNTER BASE)

[X is lying in bed, drooling to pictures of Zero's gal, Iris, all over his ceiling. He was 'bout to fall sleep when the alert sounds.]

X: OMGWTFBBQ?!! (Jumps out of bed.) Hey! (Tap, tap!) What's up, boss!

Boss (On Intercom): A couple of stupid Mavericks have invaded the Sky Lagoon, you know what to do!

X: Sky Lagoon? Wasn't that supposed to be the spot where Zero and Iris are supposed to have their honeymoon...

Boss: GET GOING!!

X: YES SIR!! (Teleports to the damn place.)

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(THE RESORT FORMALLY KNOWN AS SKY LAGOON... NOW (BLEEP)ED UP THE ASS.)

[X teleports in, and dodges the Mavericks, especially that damn dragon that tries to eat him up every 5 seconds. He goes into the core room, where a certain 14th unit Repliod is waiting.]

X: Hey, Dragoon!

Dragoon: (Wimpy white guy voice.) Yo, X! WAZZUP!!

X: WAZZUP!!

Dragoon: WAZZUP!!

X: WAZZUP!!

[Switches to Split Mushroom at the damn laboratory.]

Split: WAZZUP!!

All 3: WAZZZZUUUUUUUUUUUUUU... (INHALE)...UUUUUU-!!!

GODDAMMIT, WILL YOU MOTHER(Bleep)ERS SHUT THE (Bleep) UP!!??

X: Sorry about that. So Dragoon, what's happenin' brotha?

Dragoon: Nothin', X. Just chillin.

(The Damn core begins to explode.)

X: What's happening?!

Dragoon: (Kickass black guy voice {OIOW, his REAL voice}) X, this ain't lookin' hot. Them Mavericks done jacked up the core! The Lagoon's gonna go crashin' on da hood below us!

X: The HOOD!? OMG! There are people there! THEY’LL DIE!! OMGOMGOMG!! WHAT DO WE DO?!

Dragoon: What else, bitch? We gotta get the (BLEEP) outta here! I ain’t dyin’ here! Peace, nigga! (Teleports out)

X: (Teleports out)

---
(THE CITY BELOW SKY LAGOON... ALSO (BLEEP)ED UP THE ASS.)

X: OMG... (A tear falls down his eye, a la the Indians in those stupid “SAVE THE FOREST” commercials.) THOSE WHERE WOMEN AND CHILDREN! (And some sexy bitches! ^_~) (Falls to his knees, and screams Kenan and Kel style.) WHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY??????????????????????????!!!!

Darth Vader: (Appears out of nowhere.) NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

X: (Looks to his right, and sees Vader.) WTFH??

Vader: (Looks next to X.) I’m sorry... (Slowly walks away with his trademark breathing.)

X: Those mother(bleep)ers will pay for this! (Rushes through the collapsing city, and eventually falls into a hole, where he would’ve been (Bleep)ed up the ass by the closing walls if it wasn’t for his wall climbing ability.)

Dragon/Wyvern/Whateverthe(bleep)thatthingis: ROAR!!

X: (Shoots a charged shot into the thing’s mouth, and it blows up.) MOTHER(BLEEP)ER! (Looks around, and finds an unconscious Iris.) o_O?! It’s Iris-chan... (Approaches her with mouth drooling. “Naked” by Marcus Houston (The Explicit version) plays) Oh yeah... (Song ends in a Record Scratch SFX) WAITAMINUTE??

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(FLASHBACK ABOUT SOME 10 DAYS BEFORE THE INCIDENT (OR THE X3 GAME MENU WITH THE ZERO SELECT THING ON IT.))

Zero: (On the monitor.) If I catch you doing my girl, X, I’m gonna shove my saber up yer ass! GOT IT!?

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(BACK TO THE PRESENT)

X: Zero would kill me if I glomp Iris now...... Oh, what the hell. (The song resumes with a rewind-type SFX. He gets closer and closer. He is about to grab her crotch when some dude appears.)

Some Dude: (To the narrator.) EXCUSE me? How could you refer to me as some random simpleton when I make my first appearance, yet is of MUCH higher class, which is obvious from the clothes and saber?

Because I can, now shut up and get back to the story.

Some Dude: Thank you for finding Iris. Now may you please step back so I can get her and get out of here? Thank you very much.

X: WHAT?? (Thinks up some excuse for him not to grab Iris) WAITAMINUTE! How do I know if you’re not going to do her yourself, huh?

Some Dude: O_O!!! OMG! Are you suggesting that I’m going to commit INCEST!?

X: Waitaminute? You’re her BROTHER? Uh oh...

Some Dude: (Draws his saber.) HOW DARE YOU! I’M GOING TO HAVE YOUR HEAD ON A PLATTER FOR THAT REMARK!

X: (Readies his buster.) Bring it, bitch!

STOP FIGHTIN’!! You can argue later, now get back to the story.

X: Fine. (I can always do her later.) So... ahem. Who are you?

Some Dude: I am Colonel of the Repliforce. I...

X: So the Repliforce is responsible for all the chaos here, eh?

Colonel: Are you retarded?? We didn’t do this! I just came to rescue my sweet, innocent, baby sister. Now stand aside, moron. We have to fight the monsters responsible for this mess!

X: Which is you? So you’re going to fight yourselves?

Colonel: (Slaps head.) Did you not listen to a word I said? I…

X: Either way, I want you drop your weapons and come with me.

Colonel: You’re mad, mon! The Repliforce would fight until the very end rather than run away with our tails (as if we had any) between out legs like a bunch of pansies!

X: But you’ll be considered Mavericks if you keep on fighting!

Colonel: As I thought, your IQ is lower than the coldest temperature of the Cryogenian period (or Ice Age to you slow dude out there.). Go ahead and brand us Mavericks, it won’t change a damn thing! CHARGE!! (Colonel and his troops go into the heart of the damn mess.)

X: (Slaps head.) There’s something screwy going on here, dude… Anywayz, gotta go back and continue my business in my Iris Shrine! (Drools as he teleports back to base.)

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(REPLIFORCE AUDITORIUM THINGY)

General: (Whispers) Goddamn whippersnappers. (Stands up.) Ladies and Gentlemen of the GREATEST ARMY IN HISTORY!! (The Repliforce, of course.) We have been called Mavericks by those damn humans because of that Sky Lagoon incident. Because of this, they will try to (BLEEP) with our goal of independence! We will try to build our own Utopia for reploids without humans keepin’ us on leaches like dogs! And if anyone gets in our way, we’ll blow ‘em to hell!

Soldiers: YAY!!

Colonel: I agree with the boss. We will do whatever the hell we have to do to our goal, even (bleep)ing up fools who will get in our way, like that moron Mega Man X!!

Soldiers: X IZ DA MOROON! YAWY!!!!

Colonel: Besides, what can a fool with a recycled intelligence chip like him do to us, anywayz? BWA HA HA HA HA HA!!

Soldiers: BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA!! X IZ DA RETURD!! YAY!!

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(REAPER DUDE’S LAIR)

Dude: Tee hee hee hee hee! Everything’s are goin’ accordin’ to plan! (Pulls out a checklist and a pen) Let’s see... “(Bleep) up the Sky Lagoon.” (Checks it off.) Check. “Have a certain group of retards think that the Repliforce have become Mavericks.” (Checks it off.) Check. Now all I have to do is wait for those retarded hunters to kill off the Repliforce, (Bleep) the General up the ass, and destroy Earth with some ironically inconveniently placed weapon that they built for some reason. (SQUEAL!) This is going SO well! (Picks up cellphone next to him, and dials some number.) Hi, Eggman! Like, how’s it goin? So, I saw Cyber Peacock and Launch Octopus talkin’ the other day. Peacock said that Split Mushroom is gay, and Launch was like “No... WAY!” And he was like “Duh! I caught him (bleep)in’ with his clone in the closet!” I was, like, so shocked that one of my Mavericks is, like, a homo, yo!”

(The dude proceeds to paint his fingernails... WTF?!!! Okay, let’s skip ahead!)

---
(MAVERICK HUNTER BASE)

X: (Just finished eating his 10th package of pudding. He throws the thing on top of the other 9 packages. He ate about half of his 11th package when a fat little reploid in yellow appears.)

Reploid: ^_^ Why, hello there!

X: (Swallows the pudding.) Who the hell are you?

Reploids: The name’s... Double! I am the rookie hunter who came to keep your ass in line, X! Don’t think of me as STRICT or something, because I always DREAMED of working with such a AWESOME reploid like yourself! By the way, can I have your autograph? (Hands X a paper and pen. X write down “X”, then hands it back Double.)

X: There you go, kid. Now do you mind if I finish eating my next 12 packages of pudding?

Double: Maybe that can wait!

X: And WHY should I wait on pudding?

Double: The Repliforce has begun doing some EVIL plan for some crap called independence or something like that.

X: (Spits out a river of pudding on Double.) WHAT!?

Double: (Shakes it off.) X spat pudding on me! OMG! This is the best moment of my life!

X: So, am I going now?

Double: Damn straight! You were supposed to go, like, 10 minutes ago!

X: OMG! THE BOSS IS GONNA KILL ME! GOTTA GO! (Leaves.)

---

(LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, DUE TO LIMITED TIME AND SPACE AT THE MOMENT, WE’LL JUST SKIP STRAIGHT TO THE DAMN BOSSES, THANK YOU.)

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(SNOW BASE.)

Frost Walrus: ROAR!! I’m gonna smash you, kid!

X: Whatever, bitch. (Blasts him with shots until he blows up.)

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(SEA BASE)

Jey Stingray: Enuh ov dis Cat n' Muss game! I gona kill u! TEE HEE HEE HA HA HA HA!!! (Flies toward X)

X: (Freezes him)

Stingray: (Breaks out, then comes back down)

X: (Freezes him again.)

Stingray: (Breaks out again.)

(RENSE AND REPEAT, RENSE AND REPEAT, RENSE AND REPEAT, RENSE AND REPEAT.)

Stingray: (Blows up)

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(MILITARY TRAIN)

Slash Beast: (Jumps on a train) You destroyed my troop! (Smack Lips) Time to eat you up!

X: (Shrugs, then shots out the little stingrays (A.K.A. Ground Hunters))

Slash: (Gets covered in the damn things.) OH GOD! NOO!! (The Psycho Theme plays as the things start chewing on him. His arm pops out, only to sink back in.)

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(JUNGLE)

Web Spider: You labeled us Mavericks! GET THE (BLEEP) OUTTA HERE!!!

X: (Slices him into ribbons with Slash Beast’s weapon.)

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(MAVERICK HUNTER BASE)

X: (Comes back.)

Double: Yo, X! WAZZUP!? (Pulls out boombox, and plays “That’s Life” by Frank Sinatra.)

X: Just dealt with a bunch of weak bastards. This one idiot keeps on flying up and down over and over and he ALWAYS crashes into my Frost Tower. What a retard! (Eyes gazes on the pudding.) OMFG! IS THAT PUDDING!? (Grabs the pudding, and gobbles down the whole bowl. Nothing happens, except X burping.)

Double: O_O! WTF??

X: Can ya make some more, Doub? I’m starvin’! (Rubs stomach) Oh yeah...

Double: (Checks message thingy) Hey, boss! You got a message from the Colonel! He wants you at Memorial hall!

Colonel: (On Hologram) X, meet me at Memorial Hall... that is, if you have the INTELLIGENCE to get there.

X: Colonel? WTF does that SOB want with me?

Double: Idon’tknow, but I have a bad feeling about this.

X: Who the (bleep) cares? I’m going.

Double: Are you sure about this, boss?

X: Sure, Doub! What can go wrong? (Goes Memorial hall.)

Double: (Picks up empty pudding bowl.) (BLEEP)!!!

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(MEMORIAL HALL)

X: Colonel! I’m tired of playing games! Come out, ya Maverick!

Colonel: SHUT YOUR MOUTH! (Shines a spot light on him) I can’t believe a little retard like you was able to decimate 4 of our top soldiers and their troops!

X: Colonel, think Bout dis for a sek, kay? You can stop this ‘fore it’s two late!

Colonel: No one will get in the way of our independence, especially a little POS (piece of $#!+) with 10 kb of memory in his intelligence chip! (Yu-Gi-Oh voice) Time to duel!

(The same lifepoints and crappy music from the (english) show show up and X and Colonel fight. Of course, X wins in the end.)

Colonel: Dammit! This isn’t over yet, idiot! I’ll be back! (Leaves)

X: Wait! COLONOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL... (Record-Scratch) Dammit, gotta get back to base! (Teleports back.)

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Well, that’s it for PT.1 of X’s Story! PT.2 is comin’ soon!